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It's been a while. The headache and nauseousness has subsided. I feel...physically normal. Except that my bones always hurt from my lack of nutrition. Every time I move, I can feel my joints grinding together, I can feel my bones creaking...how brittle they are. My muscles feel like their sinews are unwinding...my whole body is falling apart from the inside.

"I'm not here with the mirror and a scale for the good of my health." -Frank McCourt

That's true, so true.

I'm fasting, "for lent". Actually, I just want to be able to see my ribs and hipbones again. Call me sick, sadistic, what you will. I love how it feels to be hungry. This is why my arthritis is worse. I can't eat...

I can only fall apart
But I'm happy. I am.

I still have everything I need. Everything my life revolves around. My art (all of it's different forms), and my horse.

But where am I in all of this?
Crazy? Insane? Lost inside of my own head?

Just another cliche memoir, I suppose.

I think I'm borderline. On the edge of it all. I snap, I revert to sanity, repeat. All in a matter of seconds, over and over again.

I want more sunshine euphoria. Ahh...red eyes and sleep.