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Why can't it just end...I don't understand. Why?!

My head hurts so badly...I want to vomit myself to pieces. I want to be clean on the inside. I want to break away the hurt. Tear it from my body. Bleed.

There is no hope in this cycle.

"I???ve got a beautiful gun
Lying next to my bed
How I hate your pain
I hate your pain
Let it take me away

I hated the feel
Pressure
Cold and metal
This is not hope
But an ending
An ending

The grand finale
Always turns out this way
A crash, beauty, a scream
And a whisper

To fade away
Fade away"

It hurts...so bad. Anything, anything to make it go away.